Growing Up, Growing Apart

The Unspoken Grief of Fading Friendships

It does get lonelier as we get older.

No one really talks about the pain of losing friends to life as we grow.

One moment you’re young, bubbly kids living in the present with careless abandon and your whole lives ahead of you. The next, your friends are getting married, moving away, having kids, making new friends, landing jobs and experiencing new phases of life just as you. Life takes its toll on your friendship.

Now, priorities change.

The friendship you have built over the years is slowly pushed to the bottom of the priority ladder. In order to maintain the bond, one has to understand and evolve with the new position the ladder puts you and still be supportive from there.

The truth is, it hurts!!!

You miss the old times when all that mattered was the friendship and the joys it gave. You miss the times when you didn’t have to carefully choose your words when texting. You miss the times when you could put a call through and talk for as long as you both wanted because there was really nothing else to do. You miss the times when you could visit and spend the whole day because you both just let yourselves to lose track of time.

You miss all of it.

While you’re genuinely happy and excited about the achievements of your friends, you just know you have moved a little further down the priority list.

So you adjust and keep adjusting for as long as you both still value the friendship. And maybe, just maybe your friend is also adjusting, trying to hold on in their own quiet way, even if it doesn’t always show.

Don’t get me wrong, growth is a beautiful thing and life actually gets more beautiful with each passing day.

You just miss your friend!

Sadly, sometimes these friendships do not find their way back— they just seem to fade into oblivion, not out of animosity or resentment but because it’s purpose has been served. And the version of the friendship that once was, no longer fits who you both have now become.

Think of it as an app upgrade that’s no longer supported by the existing software…

Just like every other thing in life, friendships are not excluded from the influence and impact of times and seasons.

Leaving us sometimes to lament like Job: "My relatives have gone away; my closest friends have forgotten me." (Job 19:14 (NIV)

So this is for the true friendships out there experiencing life. Value, appreciate and enjoy every moment you get, however such moment is presented because you will miss it when it passes.

And whether the friendship evolves or quietly fades, you can rest in God’s promise from Isaiah 46:4 (NIV) which says:

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Believe that every void will be filled and God who is the orchestrator of perfect relationships will bring people into your life, who will remind you, again and again, that God is intentional about you.

And to those who have lost a friend to the cold hands of death, my deepest condolences. All you have now is the strength of God and the memories you both created.

You will pull through. 💜💜💜